not without my daughter

no iranian blog seems to be complete without a post like this!

the movie, "not without my daughter" has been a constant thorn in the side of every iranian who i have talked to. a quick search on google will take to many discussion forums that endlessly debate the movie and its merits or lack there of.

for years, i fumed over the idea of this movie, over the quotes and snippets of it that was described to me, over sally field being the lead actress (who i happen to enjoy in "norma rae"). i also have a side connection to this movie because i know dr. bozorg mahmoody, the husband. well not personally, no i don't know him but he is the uncle of a close friend and we have been hearing his side of the story for years - how much he feels misrepresented, how much he misses his daughter, how he suffers from depression over the way things have turned out in his life and so on and so on. not having met him, i can only go by the descriptions of my friend who describes his uncle as a gentle and kind man who would never do the things he was portrayed as doing in the movie.

fast forward to two nights ago, the movie, t h e movie, was shown on TV, an american channel. at first, i had the familiar misgivings about the timing of the movie. more than anything, being an old movie of 1991, why would a TV station choose to show it unless they would think that they would in fact get an audience for it. the timing clearly could not be denied as war of words heat up between iran and US.

but - i have never seen the movie so i sat through it. my emotions ran hight: moving from surprised laughter to sadness to anger and finally to the surprising and perhaps a bit annoying realization that this movie could in fact be telling a true story. bear in mind, that i am not talking about the particulars of this movie and not about whether or not her story is true. the details however, were shockingly too familiar.

as a kid, i did witness a sheep slaughtered and i was just as traumatized by it as mahtob (their daughter) was. i know many women who have chosen to stay in loveless and sometimes abusive marriages because they know their children would go to the father automatically. i know of smothering and demanding mother-in-laws, of intensely patriarchal families and iranian husbands who do in fact demand to be served and catered to on every level and who have very specific expectations from their wives.  perhaps redundant if i were to point out that these issues are not unique to iran. however because we iranians get so very few representations of ourselves in the media, because we so desperately yearn to "enlighten the world" about the true iran, then we find offense in a movie that could be quite true but is sadly the only well known example of iranian society.

which brings me to my main point. i have been hoping i would be able to watch the documentary which rageh omaar of BBC made earlier this year. i was so happy to see that the full version of the rageh's work is now online and how lucky to have now the other side too to look at and perhaps have a better understanding of this complex society. i watched it, glued to the screen and felt that it was quite excellent. i urge you strongly to watch it and send the links to your friends - specially those who have seen only "not without my daughter".